"You'll shoot your eye out"

I've noticed something very peculiar over the last two months. I am a mom. I know it isn't a surprise to anyone. I mean, we've had close to a year to get used to the idea. But beyond the physicality of "being" a mom, I'm still a mom and there's nothing I can do about it.
When asked recently "what thing has changed the most for you since having Finn?" I actually answered that it was not getting a full nights sleep. How momish is that? It's TRUE though! I, no matter what I do, will NOT be getting a full nights sleep anytime soon! I've heard many a mom claim to only want sleep for birthdays, Christmas, Mothers Day, even New Years Eve and now I know why, and I hate it. I then came to the realization that the rest of my life would be full of these weighted, trick questions. There is NO way to answer that question without being such a mom. "My life feels complete", "I worry more", "I have a lot of laundry", "Look at that homeless man peeing on that building", and so on and so forth. No matter how sincere you are with your answer, it's been heard a million times the world over. There's absolutely no way to be seen as yourself.

Yourself is a mom.

These are the things that I now officially know:
Why it's so hard to be away from your kids
Why you want to be away from your kids
Sleep deprivation is a great way to torture someone
That you can actually be "up to your elbows in poopy"
How to make small talk about babies to every lady in every store
Partying college students are terrible people
Naps are necessary
Exactly when it's below 68° and above 73° AND why that matters
Why moms seem crazy

In conclusion, I don't hate being a mom, I hate being a mom. Make sense? Even in writing this I'm cementing my new identity. By saying "we" and grouping all women with children together, I'm driving the nail in further. I despise the saying "you'll know when you have kids". I think it's the worst thing any human being can say to another human being. Thinking it is sort of inescapable though, which is beyond maddening. We're not TRYING to be cliché, we're trying to protect, love and guide you. Which, I'm fairly certain, could be considered cliché.
So, the next time you get a new Red Rider BB gun and you're being an idiot with it, don't assume when I say "You'll shoot your eye out" that I'm trying to be cute. I'm really saying "You'll shoot your eye out" because your dumb ass is probably going to shoot your eye out.